My mom was killed in a car accident when I was 14.
Some Christmases are harder than others. This year, for some reason, she's been on my mind a lot.
I will never have an ornament on my tree from her. I have no recipes or cookbooks from her. Because, at 14, who really collects those things?
Sometimes, when Sprout yells, "Nana!" to DH's mother, I think about how he will never yell "Grandma" to my mom.
My mom never got to feed Cubbie a bottle. She wasn't here for my pregnancies or either child's birth. She probably would have been surprised to see me nurse both boys for as long as I did.
I wish she was here to watch my boys grow, to watch me grow into a mom myself.
She wasn't there when I walked down the aisle. She wasn't there when I took my oath to become a police officer and had my badge pinned on. She missed my high school graduation and never even saw me drive a car.
It's sad that at times, I have to take a second to remember what she looked like. She's always there, though. In my heart, in my soul.
I miss my mom.
Is there a loved one on YOUR mind this Christmas? Please do share by leaving a comment.
26 comments:
This really made me cry. I am heartbroken for you.
Such a wonderful way to remember your mommy. You know, I'm not close to my mom or my dad (MIA from my life) but I do feel for you. :0)
There's something about the Holidays that just make the wounds fresh and raw again. And I can only imagine the hurt of losing your mom, and not having her there for those things. I hope that you can find peace in knowing that while you could not see her there at those times, she was there. And because of the gracious nature of our God, you will be able to celebrate those moments together, in time.
I am so sorry! I lost my husband six years ago (he was 42 - heart attack) and my youngest was only four. His oldest daughter was 15 at the time. She graduated from college this month and I wanted to tell her how proud of her he would have been. But I have a sense she is feeling what you are going through. I just want to hug you both!!! I will be thinking of you and sending "arrow" prayers!
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry you lost your mom.
I lost my dad when I was 14, five days after Christmas. I wonder if he would have liked the woman I've become, if he'd like my choice of husband, would he approve of how I am raising my children. Would he like me.
Wish I could give you a big hug.
My heart goes out to you...
Be blessed-
Amanda
Ughh. My heart is heavy for you. Losing your mom must be the worst hurt that a woman could go through. I can't even imagine.
Hang in there this Christmas... Praise God for the gift of His son, which gives us the hope of heaven... when all sorrows will pass away.
Blessings and Hugs
I miss my dad terribly who died almost 5 years ago...he never lived to see his last grandchild.
I of course wonder what life would be like if my twin girl were here...Kim
WOW Cop momma, when i saw your post i had to click.. Because i too lost my mother when i was 16 in a car accident, i know all your going through too well..
Jesus and my family and friends keep me strong and hopeful.. but no matter what i still miss my dear mother too...
I will write about the tragedy soon, i think i need to vent about it a bit as well
@ Everyone
God Bless you all. I know along with the festivities, there is hurt in our hearts sometimes. Somehow, it's reassuring to hear all of your stories. I guess to know that I'm not alone.
I am so sorry. Wow, tearing up here too. Moms are the best and there is just some bond between a mom and daughter. My mom is amazing and can not imagine my life without her. It must be so hard go through all these amazing things and not having your mom with you. My biggest fear is that something will happen to me and I will leave my kids. I know how much a daughter needs her mom and I want to be there for her through it all. I also don't want my kids to forget me! At 14 I am sure you have a lot of wonderful memories.
Hi! I'm a first-time commenter. I like your blog!
I am so sorry to read about your mother....it is so sad, and I am sending you a hug and a prayer your way.
This time of year is a beautiful year of excitement and love and joy. But it is also a time when I think people think of loved ones who have passed away, and old friends we lost contact with, or past lovers. I think that all the emotional sentimentality of the holidays does that.
My grandma died right around Christmas time probably almost 10 years ago now, and I think about her a lot during this time of the year...I was holding her hand. And we sang her "Silent Night." It actually still brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it now.
I hope you can think of the memories and remember that your mom lives on in you and your children.
First of all, my sympathies to you. Second, thank you. I have been feeling sorry for myself, because my parents are back in MN and can't come to our house this year. And then I read your blog, and I'm counting my blessings, that everyone is here on Earth and well, and happy.
Blessings, to you, sweet friend. You're in my thoughts and prayers!
I am so sorry. Thank you for the reminder to all of us who have living moms to really let them know how we feel about them. My mom is my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without her.
Did you ever have someone who stepped in to help fill that void? Not that a mom can ever be replaced, but sometimes there are dear women of the faith who really can be there for us in the absense of/when a parent is far away.
I am so sorry.
Without getting into it, I can relate a little. I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure that you Mom is keeping up with you and is bragging to others about what a great woman you became and an even better mom than she ever hoped you would be. You will all be together someday, but I hope it is far, far off in the future. ;-)
I always think of my dad (he was killed when I was 6), my mom (she died when I was 24) and my grandmother (she died when I was 13). I do keep their memory alive at the holidays. I tell my kids stories about them and we always have their pictures on the table when we eat. They are always with us.
My sister in a police officer and I am so proud of her! I worry about her each and every day, but I am extremely proud of her!!
My mother in law died from cancer at 49. She was a mother of 8 children...my husband being the oldest. She still had four teenage daughters when she passed away. I know they miss her and every Christmas is hard. Now one of them is getting married soon and her Mom won't be there. I wish there was something I could do to ease the pain...
@ Beth
Just be there for her, tell her how proud her mother would be of her, and offer to help her with the wedding as sort of a stand in for her mom. Just my thoughts...
As you know I lost my mom a few years ago. I am still dealing with issues there. I will probably write more on that eventually.
I am sorry you didn't get to do more things with your mom. But she is with you always. She has seen everything you have accomplished in your life. This I am sure of.
I find the more I teach my children and grandchildren about my mom or the traditions we ahd growing up the more she is with me. My kids didn't get to be with her often because of the distance that was between her and I ( I don't mean miles).But that is for another post someday when I can open that wound again and write about it.
I give you BIG HUGS.
Well you've made me cry. Do you know what I thought as I read this? From reading your blog I can tell you are the most devoted mom and you more than likely received that gift from your mother! You learned from her. Even though you were young when she left, the traditions you are doing with your children are inspired by her.
No one can ever replace your mom. But you have become an amazing woman with guidance she who originated in your heart... and she remains.
Sorry you lost your mom! I can empathize with you in more ways than one. Although my mom is still alive she is very distant emotionally and physically. {hugs} to you!
Gosh, I'm sorry to hear about this. Both of my parents are still here, so I certainly can't tell you I know how you feel. I can only imagine. At least your children have you, and you can put away keepsakes for them for when they're grown. Merry Christmas and be safe!
I know how you feel. My Mom died 5 years ago. Christmas was her favorite time of the year. We always did a big getogether at her house on Christmas eve. It is just not the same without her. This year I'am having a harder time than most years. Just wish she was here to share it with us. Have a great day Rebekah.
I miss my grandmother. I adored her. It's been 6 years and there are times when I am reminded of her and I can't help but start crying. The other day I looked out my window and saw a robin, which was her favorite bird, and I burst into tears. I felt better after it though. I think it helps to have a good cry every once in awhile. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Im sorry about losing your Mom at such a young age.
I always think of my grandmother during the holidays. she passed when I was 15. She would be so proud to see me with my own children!
it's so weird how some christmases are harder than some. i was so sad yesterday...remembering how my sweet grandma bones sounded/smelled/looked like. there is a piece of me missing. she is not here for me to ask parenting questions..she never even got to meet my children.
sigh...atleast we will be together again one day.
thanks for this post.
love your blog!
i secretly can't believe you are a cop..how cool is that!!
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